Writing Romantasy - is it all just sexual tension?

Romantasy is all the rage. And why shouldn’t it be? It’s fantastical escapism wrapped up in heart-throbbing romance (sometimes other things throb too…).

As a reader and writer of romantasy, I do see one idea—shall we call it a trope?—recurrently appearing that sometimes leans too far into the implausible. And that is deep, devoted, and long lasting relationships based on rampant sexual tension. Now some of these are tied up in lore—he is her ‘mate’, ‘fated’, ‘bashert’. And while that gives a delicious sense of inevitability, it does somewhat water down choice. Volition.

As a woman, I’m a big advocate for choice. Particularly for women carving their own path and rather selectively choosing their life partner, settling for no less than they deserve. I have certainly been guilty of mistaking persistence for attraction.

(In case no one has told you yet—refusing to take no for an answer is not the peak of seduction, and any book that tells you otherwise may need to be put back on the shelf.)

So what am I hammering on about here?

Where is the genuine connection? Where is the respect? The slow burn where those enemies become lovers, not because the heat in their pants just burned them right off, but because they came to understand each other. To admire each other. Don’t get me wrong, there are many books that do this brilliantly, but I do find some novels—in many genres—teach a girl that sexual attraction is all you need. And when you fall into that trap, it is rather a thorny one to climb back out of. We all still wear the scars.

So that’s what I’ve been working on in my novel this past week. Respect. Shared experiences. Building a bridge between characters so that they can legitimately and realistically become attracted to each other’s personalities and not just want to tear off the proverbial loincloth (is there a proverbial loincloth? I don’t know!) Don’t panic; the attraction is there, (and heaps of sexual tension, plus a lot of complications that stand in their way) but it grows, creeps in like an insidious little weed until they can’t root it out. Doesn’t that sound sexy?

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